A big question! I suppose many people ask that question of themselves at some point or other in their lives. I think maybe I've asked that question probably too many times. I try to reinvent myself so often. I seem to have travelled so far since those childhood days of wanting to be an engineer or architect. Music changed everything. Christianity changed even more. Musically I've played jazz, pop, rock, folk, classical, and many more. I guess you could say I'm a "Jack of all trades", but in truth I guess it's taken me years to realise the truth that I'm versatile. And the reason I'm versatile is so that I can help other fledgling musicians. I won't hide from the fact that my heart still desires to perform. I miss playing in orchestras, I miss the pop gigs at Butlins, I even miss the pub gigs sometimes. Last summer I went out to perform again. I only did two gigs and realised that it simply wasn't the same anymore.
So what do I do now? I play Eeb tuba in Skegness Silver Band. Yes I still have the big dreams, but I simply enjoy it. I get to be me for a few minutes. I get to parp away on a bass instrument, supporting the bottom end of the band. I still get frustrated with some of the members around me, but that soon leaves my thoughts as I fluff easy passages. I don't practice enough and wish I could find time a space to practice regularly. If I did though, I know what would happen next. I'd get ideas above my station and start to dream of being the best tuba player ever. Goodness, I'm such a dreamer. I know I have musical talent. But I also know that my best musical talent is to share my knowledge and experience. That is what I try to do everyday. That is why I'm changing job.
For the last two years and before I've been distracted from my calling, my vocation, my purpose. I made a decision to do something about it and it went wrong, so impulsively I determined to continue to do something about it. As a result in September I begin a job at an old school. I'm returning to Spilsby. I have questioned have I made a mistake. I have doubted my choice and the motivation behind my choice. It all comes back to the title question... Who am I? The answer to that question is an experienced and talented music educator. For too many years I've played at being management. For too many years I've allowed myself to be distracted by things that don't concern my talents. Even when I was specialist status leader for music, I allowed other priorities to distract me and lost a grip on what I do best. Teach music.
So now I go back to basics. I will be head of music. Sole music teacher. I have no desires to empire build. I have no desires to climb the management ranks. I will build my department and I will give my students the musical experience they deserve. As I get older, I will remember daily who I am and what impact I have on those who surround me. Yes, I'll still do the occasional gig and get the bass guitar out every now and then. I will probably continue to write songs. But now is the time to focus on who I am not what I want to be. I hope the coming months and years will find that my proudest moments are those watching others enjoy making music rather than glory seeking for myself.
It will soon be time to say farewell to William Lovell, and I will do so with a heavy heart. Today I look to the future. I wish every blessing on the students and staff of William Lovell and success to Lyndsey who will lead music when I leave. It has been a place that I have learnt so much about me and those I work with and I will cherish many happy memories.