Is he really three!!!!

Jack had his third birthday today. He looked a bit shocked when he saw all the balloons. I thought it was Christmas with how many presents he had. Tamara put a balloon on one of his presents and put it by his bed. He woke us up at 6:30 in typical bubbly fashion with the present in his hand. I love to see him so excited. Then he was treated to two present opening sessions. One wih us hen one with his mum. When I got home from work it was time for party hats all round. Jack insisted!
It was a lovely day for all of us. So Happy Birtday Jack.

And I thought it was just a bad cough!

At the beginning of the summer vacation I picked up my usual summer cold. I always get some form of annoying minor illness after a big show, but this seemed a little different. It came on as a bad cough on the weekend we went to Centerparcs. As a result I didn't feel strong enough to go swimming because I was getting short of breath quite easily. By mid-week it was getting quite bad. The weekend we got back I took mum to Congleton for a weeks respite care (but that's another story) so it was the following Tuesday that I finally got to the doctors. Anti-biotic - come and see me in a week. By now the cough was painful and was making me sick. Second lot of anti-biotics and still no better. So then it was an x-ray. Any way, 12 days later I'd heard nothing so I rang the doctors and asked them to confirm my suspisions that the x-ray was clear. I was told that I had to come into the doctors - then told to hold the line. The secretary had spoken to the doctor who said I'd had pnuemonia in my left lung. To say I was shocked was an understatement. It's no wonder I've been so negative and down recently. I've still got a croaky throat, so my plans to re-record some of my songs over the holidays have been totally scuppered. The good news is I don't have it anymore and I'll soon be able to sing again - because it's easier to sing when you can breathe. LOL

Back to School

I really must post here more often. I been a bit wrapped up in myself recently and as a result haven't really felt like posting here. It comes back to ambitions and dreams and the frustration invovled when they are apparently unobtainable. Yes, I've always wamted to be a singer songwriter who is recognised and respected in the business. I've always known it doesn't work like that, so I just keep plugging on. Every door that seemingly opened was rapidly slammed shut in my face in all walks of music making for various reasons. And taht includes in Christians circles as well. I guess I'm not knocking on the right door. But one things for sure, I'll never stop knocking.

The most recent let down has been turning down a job as a professional bass player for a years work. It was mine for the taking, but it wasn't to be. Every circumstance pointed to the fact that, as much as I wanted it and was wanted to do the job, it would have caused more problems than it was worth. Don't get me wrong, I love playing. I never feel more alive than when I'm performing for a big audience. The biggest so far, as a bass player, is 14,000 at the Killerton Festival (Will Young was there the next day). So to turn it down made me feel like I had been bereaved.

So on with life. I have realised something through this experience. Whilst I've been complaining and wallowing in self-pity about teaching at school, I have not been honouring my God, my wife or my family. I have been causing hurt by people worrying about me and the decisions I might make and have not demonstrated respect to my management. So this term I have decided to put that right. I still intend to write my songs. I'm in the process of re-recording some of them and recording a song that isn't listed.

So there it is ..... back to school. Who knows the future, or what this life will bring.

Can you believe it ......

... someone just posted a "SPAM" comment on my blog. How low can you get. If it isn't bad enough getting spam mail in your inbox and through your letter box. Unwanted tele-sales calls while you're trying to settle the baby and door to door sales men pestering your personal haven - YOUR HOME.

When will companies realise that we don't want to hear it, see it or 'experience' it unless we pick up the phone ourselves or walk through a shop door. That's when we expect to be pestered. I object to my personal privacy constantly being invaded by un-invited guests. If I'd have known that opportunistic parasites post such comments on blogs, I wouldn't have bothered. The purpose of this blog is to record my thoughts as they happen, mostly for me so I can look back and see what a wally I was, and maybe for anyone who might find my rantings of use to them, for whatever bizarre reason.

So there you have it. If you're trying to sell something advertise where people have given you permission, however wonderful your product is, not on my blog. I have asked permission to use every link on my blog. To any potential unwanted posters -
BLOG OFF!!!!

Hooray! Hooray! It's a holi-holi-day

Tomorrow we go to Centerparcs at Thetford. I can't wait. Tamara is really excited. I'm writing this while I'm having a break from packing. Jacks coming too which is going to make it even more special. We got him a swim vest and other floaty stuff and he's telling everyone where we are going, too. So it's ta ta for a week, cos' holidays here we come. If you want to know more about centerparcs, click on the title. This picture is the view from our room last year.

Bible.org

I recently came across this website. Thanks once more to the good folk on the Michael Card forum. I downloaded the E-sword bible along with three versions I don't have. It allows me to compare the different translations which is very useful in songwriting and really helps in attempting to develop an understanding for the text in general. I often compare more than one translation. This tool makes it much easier to see the versions side by side.

Problems Are For Solving

Problems Are For Solving

I just stumbled across this blog. It is thoughtful and very well constructed - unlike my haphazard thoughts. I am most impressed. The blog belongs to James3v1.

The Sunday Lunch mystery tour

What a fascinating day!

So we decided to go out to lunch. Tamara, her sis Stef, Jack and me. Got dressed up. Fuelled up the car. Strapped in Jack and off we went. The plan was to go to a pub with a kids play area so Stef could spend some quality time with Jack instead of being stuck at home. Forty minutes later we arrived at our destination. Waited for a table. Then just as we were about to order we realised the pub had changed management. NO PLAY AREA. Plus the menu was pathetic compared to the previous owners. So...... back in the car.

Next stop another pub that had a good menu and play area. It was only ten minutes away so we thought it was worth a try. The place looked nice, clean, polite waitresses etc.. so even though the play area didn't have a ball pool we thought we'd stay. Ordered starters and waited...... and waited...... and waited........

.... then we gave up and left.

Next stop. Praise God for KFC. The good old Colonel came up trumps. Southern fried chicken drive thru all round.

The moral of the story is..... don't bother with the tour .... go straight to KFC.

So much change...

... so very often. How can I explain? Let's start Sept 2002.

15th Sept 2002 Jack was born to Stephanie and Tony (Tamara's sister and husband). 10 weeks later, Steph is diagnosed with terminal cancer. Jack came to live with us. Over time after surgery and chemotherapy Steph was declared to be in remission, but not cured. She can no longer walk and has limited use of her hands and therefore requires constant care. After a year her husband decided to give up work to care for her and Jack went home.

To cut a long story short, it has all gotten too much for him and he has chosen to instigate separation. So Steph has temporarily chosen to live with her mum and Jack is once more living with us, in order to allow Steph maximum access to her son. We've spent all day moving stuff, but now they are settling in and starting the healing process.

There are no words to describe the situation really, so I just kept to the facts. Naturally we love having Jack, but a child's place is with his mother and I live in hope that she will recover sufficiently to be able to care for her son independently in the future.

Wimbledon 2005

Wow!

I've just watched the mens final at Wimbledon. I never thought I'd see another player quite as good as Bjorn Borg, but I think Federer got pretty close to it today. Andy Roddick played out of his skin, but Federer was just unbelievable. He seems to float around the court, sometimes running from one side to the other and still in time to prepare for a winner. Commiserations Andy, but know this... you were playing a genius.

Live8

Just been watching some of the live8 concert in London. U2 were phenomenal. Robbie was... well.... Robbie (nuff said). Joss Stone... what a band! Peter Kaye was out of his head. Sting was great. Pink Floyd... wow...  what guitar playing. I loved The Who... I thought Pete Townsend was going to destroy his guitar! Paul McCartney finished the day off with some great Rock 'n' Roll. I'd love to perform in front of an audience that big.

On a more serious note, I believe the whole purpose of the event was to raise awareness. I hadn't realised the reason it was called G8 before. Isn't it ludicrous that 8 world leaders can command the global economy. I signed the petition on line. Did you notice the banner in the corner? If you want to sign the petition click on the banner. Or alternatively you could go to the live8 website www.live8live.com. I'm not sure of the details and I don't intend on becoming a spokesperson for them but I thought the banner was a suitable gesture. I'm not into wearing wristbands!

Dark times ...

It's difficult to even post anything at the moment, but I'll try. I promised myself that I would keep this blog a bit like a diary online, but circumstances have made me have to stand back and think for a considerable time about how to discuss exactly what's going on without revealing personnel details.

I find myself experiencing an emotion I appear to have been shielded from, even though I believed I experienced it before. Hate! The burning desire for justice, retribution and, yes, revenge. These have got to be the most powerful emotions I've ever felt. I've found myself questioning God and where He was. I felt that I could never play an instrument again and considered quitting teaching as a result (good job I need money to buy food otherwise I would be jobless and in prison now). I have ceased writing songs for the present, even though one is in progress. I'm not really sure what I believe at the moment. I find myself plotting revenge in my weaker hours. I pray that this hatred will subside. But part of me won't let it rest. Really I shouldn't be writing this stuff, but it feels better get it out into the open.

This is not written to provoke a response from whoever may read it. It is an outpouring of my personnel feelings for the benefit of my blog should I or anyone else need to draw consolation from at a future date. If you do feel you would like to respond I would prefer it if you email me.

For now I will write no more, but the story continues ...

My Tanglewood

My Guitar. One of the bessie buys I've ever made. It's a Tanglewood TW55N - DLX handcrafted guitar with a Shadow P7 in-bridge pick-up. As a jumbo guitar it's quite large, which suits me, cos I'm not small. It has a really rich tone acoustically, I've yet to master the amplified tone, although the graphic on the pick-up is quite good. How's that for techno stuff. Simply put - I love it. It plays soooo well.
If you want to hear it the best recording I've done with it is Sacrifice of praise. (not very quick for dial-up sorry)