From the mouths of babes

I've been busy sorting out my office following a flying shelf that emptied my books all over the room and part of that sorting involved temporarily boxing some stuff. Old photos naturally surfaced and Jack wandered whilst I was looking at some pictures of my late friend Pete Barker. I told Jack that Pete was my best friend and that he was now a star in the sky like mummy. He said to me don't worry you'll see him again. I found myself choked at this simple but true statement.

Later I was reading him his bedtime story when he asked if he could sleep on my knee. I sit on a bean bag while I read him his story so I didn't want to encourage him falling asleep on me because I'd struggle putting him into bed without waking him, but Jack being Jack pestered me, and me being me, relented and he curled up on my knee. I was soon to find out why he made this unusual request.

He started asking questions about his mummy. We began to talk about why mummy died. He asked why do people die when they go into hospital (we took Jack this week after he fell off his bike). I said not everybody dies in hospital. He said but mummy died in that hospital. Then with a quivering lip he told me he missed his mummy. He told me how seeing Peggy (my mum who has Parkinson's and is wheelchair bound) reminded him of mummy. He asked when she would die. He also said that he knew I wanted to see my mum but that he didn't because of how she reminded him of his mummy. He then told me he was looking forward to seeing his mummy again. He has such a clear concept of death and the separation that results from losing a loved one. He also seems to be aware that we will meet again in the sky when we go to meet Jesus. My heart bleeds for our little man who so clearly told me that he would always be with me. I pray God will give him peace and allow him to grieve in the best way he knows how.

Wanna see my forum?

I'm fascinated to see that when I look at site stats that this post published origiannly on 16 April 2007 continues to get many hits, so I've decided to edit it and introduce the forum that I've started with Silver Poet. This forum came about as a response to the Michael Card forum being removed from his site. Silver Poet and I were both moderators there and we felt it would be good to have a non-threatening forum that allowed people to share their experiences with God or maybe share an opinion. So here's the link Closer with God we hope you enjoy it.

Teaching or Preaching

I was sat in the local Anglican church on Easter Sunday watching the proceedings with interest when a thought struck me. I probably aren't the first to think this and more than likely won't be the last, but as a teacher I found myself analysing the service for it's content and structure, paying particular interest to the rituals and religious practices. I found a few things out.

Firstly I realised why the pomp and circumstance with various features of the service were being used. I could see the history in them. For example when the Gospel reading was read the whole congregation stood and the Vicar had three attendants. One holding a very large bible and two others holding candles either side of the vicar. It was obvious that this was designed to draw special attention to the Gospel reading, which I suppose hails back to when the scriptures were read in Latin, so that the 'peasants' would know that the Holy Scriptures were being read.

Secondly I became more aware of the responses and chants used throughout the service. Then came the revelation - it suddenly dawned on me that this was an attempt at interactive learning. But looking at the faces in the congregation it struck me that this very attempt to involve the congregation had somehow turned into a ritual of it's own and appeared to be so ingrained that the congregation merely repeated at just the right times. I remembered how I memorised parts of the Methodist Service book as a child. When I read those words I imagine the thought processes behind them as I'm sure many of the congregation too. But this idea of interactive learning stuck with me.

I wondered if the ideas in education have been explored or not in church worship. I wondered how many times a congregation has been offered to help plan a service that would help them to understand a scripture or issue of christian life. Then I wondered how could this tye of service be implemented. At school I am currently exploring personalised learning skills where students are encouraged to take ownership of their education to help teachers facilitate their learning in a manner that aids learning rather than provides mental blocks. But not only for individuals but personalised learning for a whole class. There certainly is a lot to think about and I'll be exploring this idea over the coming weeks. Watch this space!!!

Developing Song

The song 'Written on my heart' is one of the few songs that I have grafted on. Maybe too many of my songs have lacked that extra attention to detail and clarity in the past. Voice of Calm is the first of this new breed of songs amidst much consultation and soul searching it bears very little resemblance to the original song. Even the melody and feel is completely different.

So now to Written on my Heart. The song was conceived as a response to a need for a special item in a morning service, but received criticsm for the lack of lyrical melody and expressionate feel. And rightly so. The words were ok but needed tweaking. On review I chose to do a hefty edit of the lyrics and attempt a totally different feel to the song. The first verse is virtually written and the chorus is in a fairly complete state too. I'm not planning on posting the recording until the lyrics are complete, but I will divulge the creative process including the various versions of the lyrics as the evolve.

Here's the third edit: I decided to make the focus much clearer going through a process of Admission of need -> Grief/guilt -> Acceptance

Verse 1
Step inside and feel my mind,
No more secrets left to find,
Nothing hidden see the scars

Verse 2
Why dyou think I bow my head?
Weeping at the words you said,
Weeping 'cause of all I've done

Pre chorus
My tears aren't enough
And sorry's just a word to hide my shame

Chorus
You lead me on and I follow
You show me things I've never seen,
Melt my heart to feel compassion
Calm the fears that haunt my dreams
You lead me on my special journey
Written on this heart of stone.

(c)2007 Steve Lowndes

As you can see I've opted for the song title Heart of Stone as a new working title.

Please feel free to comment on these lyrics as you feel called. I am incredibly open to suggestions.

New Song - Written on my heart

Having recently joined a different church due to various family committments I had decided to lay low for a while. The minister supported the idea. Then came the shock! Thursday I received an email from him asking if I'd like to sing a song and talk about my work at this Sunday's meeting. A flood of thoughts and emotions came all at once. Aren't I supposed to be laying low? Wow I feel honoured. Are things on the move again? Am I ready for this? What should I sing? Should I sing?

Eventually I decided after everything Ian (my minister) had said I ought to try it and trust his judgement. Then came the readings and theme of the service. Now I realised I had a new problem. I neither had any of my own songs, or knew any other songs that complimented the theme. So as usual God intervened. It took about an hour this time but the original idea came in seconds. I applied a little song-craft and wrote every note down to make sure it stuck in my head. So here's the finished result.

Written on my heart

Steve Lowndes 20th July 2007

Here I stand with arms held wide
Nothing left for me to hide
Nothing hidden in my heart
You know my name
Here I stand and bow my head
Weeping at the words you’ve said
Weeping ‘cause of all I’ve done
You know my pain.
And you called me by name
To be a shining light in the dark

Lead me on and I will follow
Show me things I’ve never seen
Melt my heart to feel compassion
For a world of broken dreams
Lead me on and I will follow
By your Spirit make me shine
Showing Jesus’ love is written on my heart.

Prophets said the time would come
God would send a chosen one
Born to heal the broken hearts
And set them free.
Here You stand with arms held wide
Nail pierced hands and bleeding side
Washing all my sin away
Renewing me
And you called me by name
To be a shining light in the dark

Lead me on and I will follow
Show me things I’ve never seen
Melt my heart to feel compassion
For a world of broken dreams
Lead me on and I will follow
By your Spirit make me shine
Showing Jesus’ love is written on my heart.

Lead me on and I will follow
To a world of broken dreams

Who need Jesus’ love is written on their hearts.

Inspired by Nehemiah 8:1-12

and Luke 4:14-21

This mornings service was a blessing in so many ways. Apart from feeling useful, I felt God was able to use everyone in the service ina very real way. The reader read so well I thought he was an actor. The pianist was annointed. The minister spoke with authority guiding the congregation to Jesus. The congregation were receptive and open to hear God speak. I'm not saying it was a perfect service but it certainly was a blessing to everyone. I thank God for his grace in providing us mere mortals with the words that draw people to Himself.

New Year - New Hopes and Aspirations

If I were to say good riddance to 2006 it would be a bit harsh, but the truth is there are so many painful memories to leave behind from last year. Equally there were some real high points. Radio exposure on local radio and Rimmerama leading upto my visit to Chicago amongst the highs. The loss of our dear sister Stephanie to cancer leaving her little boy Jack without a mother and my wife without her dearest friend her little sister was definitely the lowest point.

Jack now lives with us which is a true blessing and 2007 brings hope that we can continue to forge an already strong relationship with him and help him to remember his mummy in a positive and edifying manner. We will always miss her dearly but know she is now with Jesus and no longer suffering. We long for the day when we shall meet again.

Professionally 2007 holds much hope for me personally too. December 2006 marked the end of a particularly difficult period of my career as a teacher of music. That now left behind I have so much to strive towards. New buildings, renewed vigour in delivering my subject and a new supportive head.

Faith issues include a move to Skegness Methodist church. I feel drawn to concentrate on a more low key approach to ministry at the moment, considering our emotional state it's probably a good thing. My main ministry right now is that of helping my family to grieve and heal. I shall of course continue to write and record whenever I feel called, but there is no urgency to release any further projects. I can wait God's time.

So farewell 2006 and welcome 2007 and all you have to offer. I await the new challenges you bring.

Lapland Trip For Jack

My Nephew Jack was nominated through Radio Lincolnshire Station to go on there trip to Lapland. He has just turned 4 & his mummy died in June so he really deserved this treat.

We departed from East Midlands at roughly 7am on Saturday Morning.
We were entertained on the flight by the fabulous Jeremy Spake. He really was perfect celebrity & all the Children loved him. His rendition of Jingle Bells made the Children laugh. He had us all singing & some Children were brave enough to do a Solo.

After arrival at Rovaniemi Airport we were taken by Coach to the Magical Forest. There was still a fair bit of snow there.
We had the opportunity to experience activities such as- Skidoos, Snow mobiles, reindeer rides, Husky ride, Toasting Marshmallows, Rudolph Baptism ceremony.
It was fantastic. I was asked by Veronica to speak live to Radio Lincolnshire whilst there after i had sent a text saying what a Fab time we were having.
Jack was filmed singing Rudolph Red Nosed Reindeer.

We then went to a Restuarant for Lunch & tried Reindeer meat & a selection of other gorgeous food. Santa & Rudolph arrived to a Chorus of Rudolph red nose Reindeer from the excited Children where they all received a gift of a Husky Dog.
When it was Jacks turn to see Santa his face was just beaming & after receiving his gift he sang rudolph to Santa. I was so proud of him.

We then went to Arctic Circle & had oppurtunity to browse the Shops for unique gifts. I was disappointed because the Post Office was closed which a lot of the Children were looking forward to.
The Snow had almost gone there & it was very icy.
Then it was back on the coach to the Airport, Homeward bound.

As we were sat waiting for take off, Jack was looking at the Stars & he said - I knew you was with me Mummy. i had a tear in my eye.
On the flight home all the Children were given a £10 gift Voucher, a Reindeer licence & a bag of oodies courtesy of Radio Lincolnshire.
We had quite a lot of turbulence on the way home & i felt unwell so was pleased when we landed at East Midlands.

A very special day but a very long one & there were lots of Happy but very tired children.
Everyone of them was a local hero & it was a truly magical day for them.
Its a day Jack & I will never forget. I know my Sister would have been really proud of her little Boy.

There are so many people to Thank - all the Presenters & crew at Radio Lincolnshire, the BBC, the Tour Guide on coaches, the Airline Stewardesses & Crew, all the listeners who donated to the Gold appeal, of whom made it possible for these Heroes to go, my friend Georgina Fox who nominated Jack, Jeremy Spake & all the special Children who went.
Last person to thank is my Nephew Jack for being such a good boy despite being really tired.
Its certainly a day Jack & I will never ever forget.
Thank you Radio Lincolnshire.

Written by Tamara

The Little Frog

Hubert was a frog. Just a little frog, but a big dreamer. One day Hubert was sat on his lily pad, watching the flies buzz past, wondering what life had in store for him. Then he remembered the fairy story of how a frog was kissed by a beautiful princess, and 'KAPOW!!!' he became the most handsome prince ever seen. The princess fell madly in love with him and they got married. He eventually became a king and was soon the richest man in the land.

"I wish I was that prince." he thought.

That night Hubert curled up on his lily pad and dreamt of becoming a prince. Sure enough he soon saw a beautiful young lady walking up to his pond. As she bent down to look at her reflection, Hubert said hello in his own special froggy way, "Ribbet". He startled the princess so much that she screamed, "Aaaaaaaargh!!!" and ran off as quickly as she could. He woke at the sound of the scream (well you would too at a scream like that). "That dream didn't turn out too well!" he thought.

Next morning Hubert woke thinking about the dream and said to himself, "Well, I quite like who I am really, but I maybe it would be good if I could find something more interesting to eat than flies." They tickle as you swallow them you know. He imagined all sorts of dishes all day long; fly soup, deep fried flies, fly cake and, his favourite, ice-cream fly surprise.

"I wish I was a famous chef." He thought.

Curled up on his lily pad that night he begun to dream. You've guessed it, he found himself in an amazing kitchen filled with gleaming pots and pans. All around
him he saw the most fabulous feasts and marvellous morsels. The finest food you could ever dream of . Then he saw loads of chefs all looking at him with interest. Rather too much interest he thought. Then he remembered HE WAS A FROG!!!! He woke suddenly from his dream - HE WAS THE NEXT ITEM ON THE MENU!!!!


It was a moonlit night as Hubert lay there thinking about why he couldn't even dream dreams with a happy ending. He noticed a large tree on a hill. How I wish I was that tree he thought. How much it must have seen through the years. How much change, how many seasons been and gone.


As he wondered a strange thing happened. He found himself in a stable looking at a manger filled with straw. Nearby a young woman had just given birth and a man carefully laid the baby in the manger.


"I wish I was that manger," Hubert thought, "so I could cradle that baby."

Next, he was in a room staring at a big table. Friends sat around it with worried expressions, all looking towards one man. He was passing some bread and a cup of wine around the table.


"I wish I was that table," he thought "then I could hear what they were talking about."

Finally, he saw the tree once more, but this time a man was hanging from it, beaten and stripped. Yet through his agony the man's eyes seemed to burrow deep into Hubert's soul, He felt loved.

Before he realised it, it was morning and as he opened his eyes he saw the tree, empty, on the hill. And he realised that the baby in the manger, the man at the table and the dying man were all the same man. Then he wondered if the baby knew his future or had his own dreams. He wondered, if the man sharing a meal with his friends know what was going to happen to him. The he remembered him hanging on the tree and how he knew everything about him. He knew Hubert's dreams and frustrations, hopes and disappointments. And for all his faults the man chose to love him for who he was.


"I wish I knew I knew that man," Hubert thought "then I would know why he loved me."

At Christmas time with all the glitz and glamour of Santa and Christmas trees, lights and decorations, it's all too easy to forget about Jesus. We remember the baby in a manger and feel holding that image in our minds. It's easy to love a baby. We often forget about his time on earth and how he sought to heal the spiritually and physically sick people he encountered. His teachings have hugely influenced generation after generation and still do today. But consider Jesus dying a cruel, agonising death nailed to a cross is all to much for us to bear during a carol service. The stark reality is - that's what Christmas is all about. God became a man to live with us, to die for us, to take away the sin that separates us from knowing God. In Jesus we can find forgiveness, not just at Christmas but at any other time of the year.

Hubert thought, "I wish I knew this man."

What about you?

Is Jesus still in the manger?

If I could be granted one miracle, it would be that the expectancy of Christmas would fill the air every day:

• the excitement of children eagerly waiting for Santa to come
• the renewed friendships fuelled by seasonal love
• glistening lights and delicate decorations perfectly positioned in each house, shop or street
• so much food that your belly aches at just the thought of it
• special gifts for everyone, poshly wrapped in pretty paper
• guessing which Bond film would send dad to sleep, contented after a mountain of food.

So much excitement and so many memories.

My childhood memories of Christmas with my family are still special to me. I remember each one with joy. It's funny how you grow used to things and create your own family traditions. I grew so used to doing things in a certain way that I expected to see or hear things from my past at Christmas time. But the day dad left home Christmas was never the same again. I suddenly realised that I couldn't rely on just family traditions for Christmas anymore, because my family wasn't complete. By now my brother, David, had a girlfriend and often did a vanishing trick for hours on end. Mum soldiered on, but I could feel her anguish and guilt, even though her only crime was loving that great big confused dad of mine.

Meanwhile, in my search for a hiding place, I began to notice how other people behaved at Christmas. I discovered the joy of buying gifts for other people. I delighted in the smiles of complete strangers wishing me happy Christmas. The shopkeepers were more helpful and even arch-enemies at school took the time to scrawl merry Christmas on a jolly card.

Was it me or had the whole world changed overnight? And why were they so happy?

I remember walking to town from our house. Everyday I would pass the cemetery; at the bottom, near the gate, stood an empty wooden cross. On it was a mottled brass plate with the inscription, "Is it nothing to you, all you who pass by?" I thought back then, "Shouldn't that have been taken down at Easter? . . . Why is it here at Christmas?" But gradually it helped me to rediscover the babe in a manger. It was easy to keep him there. I felt more in control that way. Every now and then I'd let Him out of the manger and rediscover His childhood stories, like when He got told off by His mum and dad for hiding in the temple; or I'd relive the story my RE teacher told me, about how He healed little sparrows. When I felt more adventurous, I'd let Him perform a few miracles, like making alcoholic water or spitting in people's eyes. I used to think what strange habits this man Jesus had.

Still the words were calling to me. "Is it nothing to you?" Did I really know the baby that would become Jesus? John tells us that 'The Word became flesh and dwelt among us'.

Whether we are Jew, Greek, Gentile or Yellow Belly the WORD is the reason we exist. The word is God. And, as I get older, Jesus continues to get bigger than me and I can't fit Him into the manger anymore. I think about the stable and I remember the scriptures describing a great king with terrible armies, living in a palace. The King was born in a stable, homeless. His only attendants a loving mother exhausted from the birth and a bewildered Joseph, knowing this child was not his own, but God's. I think about these things and the blunt reality of the Christmas story hits me right between the eyes. If Jesus was born today, would His stable be the cardboard cities or would we make room for the King? Would we believe the shepherds heard His angels or would we lock them up in the loony bin and pretend they'd seen a UFO?

How many people cherish the air of expectancy of Christmas time and don't know the person who it's all about? We all teach kids about Santa and baby Jesus, but are we really going to leave Jesus in the manger at Christmas and pack Him away with the decorations in the new year. Or, are we prepared to unwrap the greatest gift that God has given us and recognise that Jesus IS real?

He felt joy, pain, sadness, anger, love, worry, temptation, betrayal and loneliness. He ate and drank, slept and worked, bled and died, just like us. But Jesus is alive today and that is what we should be celebrating this Christmas. He is interested in us. He wants to share everything with us and wants us to learn to know and trust Him. Isn't it time we put Christ back into Christmas?

I love Christmas with all its trimmings and joy. But I will never forget that empty cross and hope I will never pass by saying it means nothing to me. I know the baby is a man and the man is, was and always will be Emmanuel, God with us. In Jesus God has given us a truly astounding gift this and every Christmas.

If you could be granted one miracle this Christmas, what would it be?

In the name of the father

Ever wondered about how we see God as a father? I can imagine that for some people this is a very strange request. The school where I teach has an enormous amount of dis-functional families, many with one-parent, but equally as many whose parents are remarried or seperated. I wonder how those children see the image of God the father. I know of fathers who have rejected their children, ignored their children, insulted their children, openly declared hate for their children and, even, abused their children. But equally I know of fathers who love their children, cherish their children, who would give their lives for their children, even though the law says they can't see their children. I wonder how those children feel. I wonder what they think when they're told about father God.


My own experience of an earthly father is a mixed one, but not as tragic as some of the children I teach. My father left us when I was too young to remember him. I never knew him and never will. Do I feel angry about that? Not really. Do I feel rejected? Of course - I would be lying if I said otherwise. Am I sad that I never met him? A little. He died last year and my brother and I were asked if we wanted to go to the funeral. Do you know what question crossed both of our minds? What did he die from? We were more interested in our potential medical history. Doctors always ask that question. Is their any history of 'such and such' in the family. Sometimes I get tired of saying I don't know sometimes I just say no. What difference does it really make anyway. So my 'real' dad was never on the scene. One day I found out that I was adopted by the man I called dad. I carry his name not the name of my paternal father. I wonder how it sounds sometimes - Steve Poole. I wonder if he ever loved me. I wonder if he loved his new family. I wonder how my mum felt when he left her and two young children.

Mum eventually remarried to a man called Gerald. I worshipped him. He was strong, confident, popular, everything I wanted to be. He worked hard for us, provided a home for us, discilplined us and taught us right from wrong. We moved from Stoke to his home town of Cheadle and I felt isolated. I had so many friends in Abbey Hulton. But children are children and we adapted. They created a home for us. Sometimes it felt like the home was more important than us, but it ended up being a beautiful home, until it was finished. About ten years it took to renovate, bit by bit and when it was nearly done the man I worshipped walked out on us for a younger woman. A younger woman who he had a child with. Can a man only be a father to a child that shares his genes? He seemed to be doing a pretty good job with us for a while.

So I have personally ever had a problem with the image of God as a father? I can honestly say never. I suppose I had enough experience of a father. So when I call on father God I call on all the best things I know about a father. I know what a good father should be and do. I know my father God loves me first and foremost. I know he loves me enough to discipline me when I step out of line, which I often do, even if it hurts. I know he will protect me when the going gets too tough. I know he will never leave me. I know he will always give me good things, but not things that I think are good for me, things that actually ARE good for me.

So what about the view that the image of father God doesn't belong in todays world? I would say that it does. Because this world needs a father who loves, cherishes, cares for, disciplines and never lets his children down. Every man dreams of being the ideal father. God is that ideal father. He's even bought us a house. Ok that's a bit flippant, but it's true. He loves us so much that he has prepared a place for us to share with him. If I sound like I'm preaching I don't appologise. I want to share my father God with everyone who may read this. I want to tell you that if your experience of a father has been nothing but bad, then God can teach what a father should really be. The best part of it is, that father God is always waiting for us to come home no matter what we've done. He's always ready to forgive our mistakes. Sounds too good to be tue doesn't it? So why not try it and see for yourself.

15 years and still growing

If anyone had ever told me that I'd meet my perfect wife and continue to grow in love for her sixteen years ago, I wouldn't have believed them. But I have and I did. God blessed me with a beautiful and loving wife who has stood by me throughout many trials and tests over the last fifteen years. It's no cliche that it's not been an easy ride, because it hasn't. Neither is a cliche that our love for each other continues to grow stronger and deeper. Priorities change but love remains.

This year is also a first for us. It's the first time we've celebrated our anniversary as a family. So our anniversary treat was a visit to the Embassy Centre, Skegness to watch Tractor Tom with Jack. It was a brilliant show and Jack was enthralled from beginning to end. It's such a joy to watch his smile. Then our usual anniversary meal was at The Sun Castle so we could watch Jack play in an amazing play area. He got stuck once - honest!- so I had to go in and rescue him and promptly got lost myself.

So now it's the end of another lovely day and I pray Tamara and I will share many more years together with Jack as a family and continue to be blessed.

New Priorities

It seems an eternity since I posted any news on here, and yet so much has happened. July 11th was a monumentous day for Tamara and I and has completely changed my outlook on my life and responsibilities.
We are now very proud guardians of Jack. In the midst of our grief it is a joy to welcome this new member to our family. He is a joy. We both feel so privileged to be able to share our lives with him until he is 18 and hopefully from then on. Steph has left us a fantastic legacy and we will never let him forget his mummy or how much she loved him.

As a result after much thought and prayer and advice I have decided that my main ministry for the forseeable future has to be dealing with the grief of losing Steph tied in with the massive change we face welcoming Jack completely into our lives. So my music ministry is officially 'on-hold' until I feel it is time to return. The new CD will wait.

Abundant blessings
Steve

Stephanie

Thursday was a very sad day. These words are so hard to write. After three and a half years my 'sis' (Tamara's sister) died from the cancer that she had battled so valiantly. She was so much more than I ever knew. Even in her darkest hours she was caring for others in need without complaint for herself or moaning about the excrutiating pain she suffered.

She leaves behind a miracle child who she never got chance to run and play with, but loved so dearly. Little Jack was 10 weeks old when she was first diagnosed. He tells us mummy has gone to the stars and says goodnight to her at night. My heart breaks each time he says it.

Sleep well Steph. You are no longer in pain and I know we'll meet again in heaven. Goodbye my special 'sis'